Tough Times

Wow, where do I even begin...the last couple of weeks have not been easy.  It is coming closer to the end of the month and we have only had one successful delivery here in the clinic this June. We have had to transport 4 patients and unexpectedly one of those patients baby boy died in the hospital for reasons we will never know.  That’s not the only death our  team of midwives experienced this last month, a family member of my preceptor passed away, and the father of Normi the other Filipina midwife who works here passed away as well. All of us have been in mourning, I have never been to so many funerals in my life. Now, you are probably wanting more information about the pt who’s baby didn’t make it... It was the mothers first baby and she was 22 yrs old. When we transported because of lack of progress during pushing stage, the baby and mom vitals were great, the bigggest problem was that this pt wasn’t able to push her baby out effectively. After trying all the midwife tricks to help this mom deliver, we decided to transport because no progress was being made. This pt and her baby had no complications during prenatal care or the entire time she was with us in labor, when we found out the next day that the baby had died in the hospital us midwives were shocked and angry. We were angry at the hospital/doctor because as far as we knew there was no reason that the baby boy should have died, it didnt make sense to us; but the hospitals here are still performing dangerous outdated procedures that are outlawed in developed countries like America, and neonatal resuscitation is something that they rarely do... Now, I cant sit here and say that it was the hospitals fault that the baby died, we really have no clue about what actually happened in the delivery room that night and there are no witnesses because when a laboring woman is admitted in a hospital here no one else is allowed to be in the room with her expect the nurses and doctors. We will never know if the baby died before or after being born, did all the baby need was a couple of breaths, but they automatically claimed the baby to be dead instead? These are questions that will be left unanswered. The family is blaming the hospital and the hospital is blaming the pt. The reality is a baby boy died and nothing is going to change that. I have had to rely on God in abundance during this month and I thank those who are praying for me and a turn around here at the clinic. The good news is the one actual delivery that we did have here went really well, she was a 17yr old first time mom and I was her primary midwife and so relieved that things went smoothly. I hope and pray that this challenging "season" here at the clinic is over and next month will be a good one. But, no matter what, I am learning so much from every situation good or bad here that is shaping me to be a better midwife in the end. 

my patient and her brand new baby boy in their home

When you don't see where you're going, when you don't think you can stand it one second more, if you only keep putting one foot in front of the other, chances are, you'll come out on the other side. Either that, or you come across a road sign that will point you in the direction that will get you out.

-unknown